untitled melodrama of 1989

[originally posted on myspace on June 1, 2010]

So, I had an oddly introspective weekend (odd in that I went out of town to a show, which you wouldn't expect to be an introspective sort of trip). I'm reading Kelly Cutrone's book (titled something like If You Have to Cry, Go Outside...I left it at work today by mistake) and damn, wow, it's crazy. It's pretty much saying, don't buy into things, know yourself. And it got me thinking, about lots, but mostly, for years, I thought I wanted to be the little rocker chick...but maybe that's not me anymore, if it was ever me. Hard to explain.

But, I will say this (in a long, roundabout way): my tire blew up leaving Melbourne Saturday morning. I think it was the tire that was previously patched. I left the motel earlier than planned (see above paragraph and after a whole introspective evening, and not much sleeping, I was ready to head home) and leaving the gas station, my car kind of started pulling to one side and then shaking. Me, I get onto 95 anyway, figure it's the gas or something and it'll stop. The car starts violently shaking and I think, ok, I'll get off at the next exit. No such luck. The tire just blew and I (after freaking out for a few second) pulled over onto the shoulder of the road. More panic for a few more seconds and then called Triple A...got out of my car (when it was clear) to check the damage. The tire was shredded. I waited around 20 minutes for the Triple A guy to show...andd standing there, with countless cars speeding by (and most of them not getting over to the other lane, like they should do and I now faithfully do) at over 70 miles an hour...it felt so very lonely. I don't know what I expected to happen...someone to pull over and ask if everything was ok, for a prince to come riding through...don't know. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I wanted a nap.

But the whole thing (the waiting and the later going to find a replacement tire in a brand new town I knew nothing about and being rewarded with Starbucks...'cause there's always a Starbucks)...it reinforced stuff mentioned in Cutrone's book, in what I know already, what I've learned a million times. Things could be worse. It could ahve been raining and/or late at scary night. Bad things are (usually) temporary. I could have sat on the side of the road and cried...but I probably still would be now sitting on the side of the road, with red eyes and a still flat, shredded tire...so, with everything, with every uncertain moment, I just need to be my awesome, kick ass self, trust in that, dow what needs to be done, see the awesome, positive, experience/life lesson in things (or at least, get a latte) and move on to the next.

Also, Friday and Saturday, the number '89' (as in the number and the year 1989) kept coming up. Weird, huh?