(3-D) Ghost in You

Halloween's over! Time to write about horror movies! My timing is excellent!

I love horror movies - good ones, bad ones and so forth. This year, I tried to arrange my Netflix queue to have a line of horror movies before, at and after Halloween, which sort of worked out. Since I started watching American Horror Story (FX), I've become more interested in haunted houses (or, actually, the history of how haunted houses are depicted in movies and TV). And I've seen quite a few haunted house movies as of late - decent ones, like Burnt Offerings (1976 - and I had no idea about the Dark Shadows connection until I just looked it up to get the release year...but anway, the ending, Karen Black!) and 13 Ghosts (the original 1960 version - not the 'remake' very 1990s-feeling update in 2001).

Long story short (too late!), I watched a terrible, awful haunted house movie this weekend - Amityville 3-D (1983)...the third in the series and in 3-D (get it?). Did the movie really need to be in 3-D (note - my Netflix version was not in 3-D but you could figure out what was supposed to appear as if it was coming out of the screen - breaking glass, etc)? Nope. The only part that would have been cool in 3-D was when the swordfish on the wall went flying. For such an awful movie, I was disappointed by the lack of cheap 3-D shots it didn't take (if it had, ala 13 Ghosts, it may have made the film a little more 'campy' and likeable).

Amityville 3-D opens with a fantastic concept/scene - a couple (an old shyster couple!) is conning people by holding fake seances in the Amityville spooky house. Our main male character, some sort of investigative writer/creepy guy and his lady friend/photographer (?) bust the couple for their investigative fraud busting magazine. Cool! But, from what I know of haunted houses and whatnot, wouldn't the spirits of the Amityville house be pissed that this shyster couple had rigged up the house to trick people? Or be tempted to join in on the rigged fun?

Anyway, our main male character, who is so unlikeable, really, decides for some reason to buy the house (it was a good deal? good school district? close to work?). And that's what annoys me about this film - all the characters that you are supposed to be rooting for - the main male, his lady friend, his wife (ex-wife?), the nerdy ghost-investigator professor guy - are so bland and unpleasant and unlikeable...that, really, by the end, I was rooting for the house. Seriously. I love that Amityville house.

Character development was just non-existent (I know, I know, it's an early '80s horror film). For example, our main male's lady friend, the photographer (?)...she goes over to Amityville house to meet up with him, but he's not home yet (and the 'wacky' housekeeper - who the ghosts don't mess with? - gets out of the house as soon as she shows up) so she has to wait for him. Alone. Now, I would assume that if you are some sort of photographer for a skeptic, myth busting magazine, you've probably seen a lot in your time and you would not be so freaked out at being alone and not be so freaking whiny about it. Or you'd just see that his car is not in the driveway and you'd wait for him to get home, in the safety and comfort of your own car, which can drive away at high speeds, if necessary.

Also off was the pacing. I realize, again, it was an early '80s film and I have no attention span, but it was so drawn out and boring (in keeping with the first one?). I was so excited, though, in one later scene, with the main male and his wife (ex-wife?) in the Amityville kitchen, you can see something in the background...a Five Alive carton! Five Alive! I miss that juice. I wonder why they stopped making it. Back to timing - so main male is a skeptical myth busting writer, who works (?) at a skeptical myth busting magazine with a friend (?) who investigates ghosts and what not, who should have myth busting resources aplenty to help him as he moves into this notorious house (a house with such a bad reputation that the houses near it won't even sell!). He knows the history of this house, he's seeing people turn up dead (realtor/owner of the house, lady friend, eventually his daughter)...why wait until the LAST 15 minutes of the movie to invite professor haunts a lot and his ghost busting team of investigators over to check out the house??

I did walk away from the movie thinking about the 3-D craze of the 1980s and how it ties into our current 3-D oversaturation...really, does every movie coming out now need to be in 3-D? Isn't regular old '2-D' (or what is it called, real-D or something?) enough?

On a side note, unlikeable main male is played by Tony Roberts, who appeared on several Law & Order episodes! And an episode of Murder She Wrote! I have a slight new appreciation for him now...

And, absolutely not related, did you know that "Ghost in You" was covered by not only Counting Crows but also by (ughs) Mark McGrath?